Finding Words

Trying to put words to a vision can be difficult – the English language feels too confining yet I don’t know any others – so I write and use metaphor. I mix the senses and trick the tongue.

“I splintered in time, I am shattered starlight – a soul divided.

I have been searching for the missing bits and wrapping twine and barbed wire around me in an attempt to form a false shell – something barely resembling wholeness.

As I cross space and time I see beacons guiding me to the pieces of my light that have sheltered in other shells. As we connect our heartbeats synchronize and 2 become 1.

More time, more travel, more lifetimes pass and the multitudes of me forget they were ever more than pieces scattered by fate and fortune.

A wail comes out of the dark and rage wells up inside me. Your warmth was stolen from me and I don’t recall the deal we made in the ether. This is my time to collect more pieces to me and I can’t do that with you by my side. You have to watch and in the silence and dark your anguish is my gravity – holding me here.

I start dreaming, I see our past lives – the ones where we’ve been together and the ones where we never meet. My dreams turn sacred and I am startled to realize that I understand languages never spoken and I feel things never articulated.

I start connecting to the flame and the fire. The water begins to call to my blood. The Phoenix starts to be reborn. I meet them, the pieces of my inner galaxy that were made flesh and separate and that my dreams have always been attuned to.

I hear the call to gather my elders – to look to the healing of my ancestral line. To recognize there are no barriers to the past, present, or future except for those I construct.

Who am I?

I am a light that formed a millennia ago and my curiosity constructed the form that I am today. I chose the pain, the scars, the abandonment, the power, the grace, the healing, and the joy.

I am my progenitor and my ancestors. I am the future barely glimpsed and history long forgotten.

Healing knows no space or time so as I heal I change the lives of those who came before me and the trajectory of those that will come after. In every possible version of me I am stronger for having crafted this story.

In my dreams, I fly free of gravity. I light entire galaxies and songs never written are already being sung. I form wings and dance amongst the stars.

When my eyes open and reality becomes just a dream I can feel the shimmer of cosmic frequencies just under my skin and I know that choosing to participate in this day is where I will find my amazing grace.”

No clue what it all means and there is beauty in the not knowing.

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